Helping Teens Who Struggle with School

As another year is wrapping up at Danbury High School, AP class enrollment has tripled and students throughout the school seem to be holding their grade point averages despite new, more challenging curriculum. The Freshman Academy, the ninth grade class at DHS, has also seen many successes. This year, 150 ninth grade students, versus 130 last year, had four As or more on their last report card. The failure rate has dropped. ESL (English as a Second Language) students are being mainstreamed out of second rate programming and mixing into the college prep level classes, and they, too, are holding their grades.

But there remains a handful of ninth grade students that have struggled this year, and Patch wanted to find out why. Here are their responses, presented interview style.

CR: So why do you think you are struggling in ninth grade?

There was a rally of answers that came in a burst as all of students talked at the same time.

“I hate when parents get in your face."  " I have ADHD."  " I feel claustrophobic and sometimes I feel like I just want to get up and walk out."    "I think if teachers have a good attitude, then it's easier to pay attention."   " I think if teachers are too nice, I will not do the work.”

Trevor: It's hard here to keep your grades up because in eighth grade you got to slack off, and no one paid attention.

Vanessa, Boris, and Juan also feel the expectations are too high.

Juan: I never liked school. I never did good.

Bernadette: I did good in middle school.

Laurence: I hate just sitting in class. I get antsy.

CR: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Juan: I wanted to go to Abbott to study carpentry, but I didn't get in.

Trevor: I want to be a mechanical engineer.

Vanessa: I want to go to Abbott next year to study hairstyling.

Juan: I want to skateboard professionally.

Bernadette: I wanted to be a doctor, but a lot got in my way.

CR: How many of you have parents who went to college?

Only two responded yes.

CR: What is your favorite class?

Michael: World History.

CR: World History! That can be a boring class, why do you like it?

Boris: The World History teacher makes it fun, he's a little strict but he keeps the class interesting.

Many students agree.

One student called out that Laurence was a really good artist.

CR: Do you want to be an artist when you grow up?

Laurence: Yes, but my mother tells me I have to get an office job.

CR: Do you want an office job?

Laurence shrugs.

CR: She wants you to get an office job so you'll be able to make a living, because that's what parents worry about. But I found that if you have a dream, something you feel passionate about, you should follow it. That's how I became a photographer. You will always do better at the things you care about.

Students perked up and started imagining things they would like to be.

Juan: I would like to be a photographer, but....

CR to Juan: Maybe you could get a job photographing skateboarders. You never know where your dream will take you. When you love something and follow it, it may lead you in many different directions, but the path will be yours, one you choose and love.

CR: Does anyone make you think you can't be what you want when you grow up?

Many heads nodded.

Bernadette: Don't let nobody tell you what you can be.

Boris: If friends or parents would motivate me, I would do better.

CR: By motivate, do you mean support? How many of you feel you have support at home for the things you want to be when you grow up?

Most say they do not have support.

Juan: I hate when people nag me. And study hall doesn't help at all.

CR: How many of you learn best when you are doing something, like hands on learning?

All wish school could include more hands on learning, more experiments and in-school projects.

The idea that students who study their passions will do better is supported in an online article entitled, Motivating the Underachiever.  Earlier in the year, Patch held an interview with the Girls Leadership program through Danbury's Youth Services,  led by Elizabeth Cotter.  Many of the same issues came up, although the girls had come into the group for different reasons. Some had been struggling and were trying to stay out of trouble, and some were very focused on a strong, positive future. They were all involved in this program because they want to pursue a successful future. At ages 12-14, all had a vision of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

When they were asked if their parents supported their dreams, many of them said no.

Their dreams were very attainable. Some girls wanted to be singers and artists, another a writer, another an FBI agent, another wanted to work with elephant rescue in Africa. All of these dreams are achievable, yet so many of their parents told them they needed to think about getting real jobs so they could earn a good living.

In talking with all of the students, it became clear that many of the parents had faced many struggles in their own lives, either through poverty, lack of education or because of recent American status.  They did not see these kinds of dreams as possible.  Was it low self-esteem of the parents that was creating a road block for their children?

The more the girls talked about their dreams, just as had the DHS students, the more animated they became. The more they were told that their dreams were absolutely attainable, the more they talked about how they wanted to live their lives.  Brilliant in what they knew and felt, but for many, nobody at home was listening.

One Bethel mom, Kara Knightly, daughter of immigrant parents, who grew up in Danbury, told her own story.

“My parents came from the middle east when I was very young, and they were overwhelmed with learning the language. They were in their 30s or 40s, and it was too late for them, so they put me in school to learn English.  They were diligent about me going to school, but not academically supportive. They would ask me, “What did you learn in school today,” but they worried because they couldn't help me with homework. They felt inadequate, and my dad ignored the whole subject. For him, he would have been humiliated if he couldn't help me.

I went to college; my mom made sure I went. Education was important in her home growing up. My grandfather was an educator, and my dad studied law in Syria, but of course he lost all of that education when he came here. My mom eventually got a job in New York at the UN as a translator. Both of my parents did fine, even if they didn't have a high degrees.

When I look back, I was resentful that I needed to learn these things. When you are 13 or 14, you know, you want to be like everyone else. My parents didn't ask about homework, and the school counselor would talk to me about needing better grades for college. College was a rude awakening, and I didn't feel prepared. I did get decent grades, though.  I worked hard, and got into a good art school.

In high school, I felt like they didn't seem to care about my future. As I got older, I dug deeper, and I realized how much they had struggled, and their insecurities about their accents. I am sure that was very hard for them. I think they felt like second class citizens, people always thought they should have tried harder, that maybe they could have done more, but they didn't understand how hard it was for them.

If I had more academic support, I would definitely have been able to do more, and I might have studied something different. Parents think if you go to school you will be fine, and some parents expect that as long as you go to school you can be anything. Parents don't realize, they have to be involved."

Teachers at ACE (Alternative Center for Excellence) agree and talked about the problems they see parents struggle with.  Joanne Tolles believes that parents have to be parents, not simply friends. They should not be afraid to take a strong position with their children. Kyle Trocolla, who teaches social studies, said, “Parents need to be involved constantly.”

“Teachers love parents who come see us and we like to see them. Sometimes they are afraid to contact us, but we are really very anxious to talk with them. They have information that will help us teach their child,” said Special Education teacher Laura Blake.

“Parents should help their children work on their deficiencies without holding it against them. Communication between parents and teachers is so vital. Sometimes we don't see on the outside what is going on in the inside. If kids are having difficulty with school work, we want to know,” said Rob Melillo, social studies teacher.

He added, “Recognize the good. Always focus on the positive. It helps to lighten the load."

In an online article, Helping Your Teenager to Succeed in School, there are many terrific hints. Encourage personal best,  be generous with praise, show interest in school work.  Let them teach you if you don't understand.   Remember that teens have ideas of their own that need to be heard and respected, even if their dreams seem unattainable to the parents.  Let them shoot for the moon, and one day, they may just make it to the roof... and beyond.

Here are a couple of links that cover the topic of struggling teens.

http://pmct.org/helpsucceed/teens.html

 http://parentingmyteen.com/2009/how-to-help-teens-succeed-in-school/

http://www.about-underachieving-teens.com/motivate-underachievers.html

(The names of the teens in this story have been changed.)